Connections

You know these people.

They never fail to tell you about their *connections.*

They always know someone who knows someone who walks this person's dog and is second-cousins with another person who has these cool tickets, or a cabin, or this, or that, or what-have-you. And of course they are going to enjoy telling you all about their special deal knowing full well they have no intention of ever sharing this good fortune with you. Or anybody else, perhaps. But for the purposes of this blog....with you.

And for what purpose? My contention here is that *connections* are terrific, and I'm even happy to hear about them from time-to-time. But when there is even the slightest hint of rubbing it in, you've lost my interest. It's the people that purposefully describe their good fortune knowing that inside you'll just be seething with jealousy. I hate to give off the desired effect. For while I would probably have enjoyed that experience to some extent, it probably would have been just as well that I didn't enjoy it with that particular person anyhow. Although it can hurt when it's from a person you do know.

Yes, this has happened to me once or twice, as you can tell. I have been at the receiving end of this socially backwards mistake. And, I do realize that I am far from perfect. (Or even *really good* for that matter.) However, in this instance, I believe that I enjoy giving much more than receiving. When I make a *connection* I like to stop and think about who I can share the moment with; not to tell people about it, and wait for the *oohs* and *aahs* to come pouring in. (Even for the person with the tiniest ego, that's pretty bad.) I would never rub it in. If you're the type of person who would, you know exactly what you're doing.

Perhaps this comes from my years in the classroom. For the past 8-9 years, I've seen how hurtful children can be to one another. Plenty of times, children are very open about describing the fun they had over the weekend with just their 2 or 3 friends. Or, in some cases, everyone but you. And that one kid who may have wanted to be there and just wasn't invited or included is left feeling crappy, unliked, down-and-out. Not cool.

I don't mean to belabor the point and go on-and-on. I get the feeling it's too late for that.

Basically, I just really do not care for people who *brag*. I say, go do what you're going to do and keep it to yourself. Or, if you do feel like sharing, be cool about it. Don't make it sound like, 'We could have done this with you but chose not to.' That kind of phoniness, or in-your-face stuff is plain and simply B.S..

OK. I've got that off my chest. I'm not sure if that all makes sense to you, or if you've ever experienced something similar, but there are just some annoying people in the world.

The good news is I've learned how to deal with a lot of them. May I recommend a good, quick read on my Shelfari bookshelf?

Bob Sutton, (Ph.D.) recently wrote a book entitled, The No A--hole Rule. Despite the naughty word in the title, the book hits the nail on the head about dealing with this particular type of person. It's so much easier to spot them and know how to deal with them, thanks to this book. I highly recommend Sutton's book for your own peace of mind.

Here's a snapshot from Publishers Weekly about the book itself:

This meticulously researched book, which grew from a much buzzed-about article in the Harvard Business Review, puts into plain language an undeniable fact: the modern workplace is beset with a--holes. Sutton (Weird Ideas that Work), a professor of management science at Stanford University, argues that a--holes—those who deliberately make co-workers feel bad about themselves and who focus their aggression on the less powerful—poison the work environment, decrease productivity, induce qualified employees to quit and therefore are detrimental to businesses, regardless of their individual effectiveness. He also makes the solution plain: they have to go. Direct and punchy, Sutton uses accessible language and a bevy of examples to make his case, providing tests to determine if you are an a--hole (and if so, advice for how to self-correct), a how-to guide to surviving environments where a--holes freely roam and a carefully calibrated measure, the "Total Cost of A--holes," by which corporations can assess the damage. Although occasionally campy and glib, Sutton's work is sure to generate discussions at watercoolers around the country and deserves influence in corporate hiring and firing strategies.

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